Funny Valentine

"DOJYAAA~ ~N!"

- Funny Valentine's catchphrase

Funny Valentine (ファニー・ヴァレンタイン, Fanī Varentain) is the main antagonist of Part VII: Steel Ball Run.

A former soldier, discharged after being tortured during a war where he found the Corpse's Heart, he becomes the 23rd president of the United States (in the SBR universe).

Appearance
Valentine is introduced as an old, stout man. After absorbing the torso of the saint, he gains a fit, muscular build and a more handsome appearance (possibly by using his Stand ability to switch places with a more handsome and muscular version of himself from another dimension). Switching with another version of himself after his fight with Diego, perhaps coincidentally, he adopts a yet slimmer build.

Personality
Ruthlessly determined, Valentine will use any means to attain the Corpse Parts; militaristically sending many assassins after his competitors; whom he does not hesitate to kill if they fail (e.g. Axl Ro).

Valentine's ultimate goal in obtaining the Corpse is to cement the political supremacy of himself and his country.

He is infatuated with Lucy Steel for her "cute" demeanor and personality; unconcerned with his wife, Scarlet Valentine.

Abilities
Valentine's Stand and spirit, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (or D4C), enables him access at any time to any number of alternate worlds/universes/dimensions; where if desired he may swap bodies with his counterparts, affording him a pseudo-immortality.

When Lucy develops Ticket To Ride, Valentine may utilize a protective wall of light emanating from her, bolstering his defense further still; which complementary ability he names "D4C - Love Train".

Youth
When the President was still a child, his father went to war, but never came back. One day however, a soldier came to his house and told him that his father was captured by the enemies. In order not to betray his country, the President's father committed suicide. The only thing he gave back was a handkerchief to his son. This inspired the President to want to become a patriot to his country and wanting to make it the most powerful, and so became who he is now.

He and Stephen Steel orchestrated the Steel Ball Run in order to recover the Corpse Parts to gain power. In his pursuit, he sends out people to interfere with the race to gain the Corpse Parts through any means.

During the race, he discovers a traitor in his ranks which he first believed to be Mountain Tim, then his wife before finding the real traitor, Lucy Steel (disguised as Scarlet).

By obtaining the corpse, the President, being a patriot, wishes to use its power to bring a better future to America by merging his stand and the corpse's power to deflect all misfortunes befalling on his country to other foreign countries.

Steel Ball Run Race
The Steel Ball Run race was indeed a ploy set up by Valentine and down-on-his-luck promoter, Stephen Steel to scope through the United States to get the Corpse Parts which were rumored to have life changing power. As he hosted and monitored the event, he'd send out people of his choosing to make sure things didn't go haywire in the process while at the same time trying to find pieces of the corpse parts themselves.

A lot of his subordinates were also stand users such as Blackmore, Mike O. and Diego Brando.

Valentine, during the Race, employed many assassins to kill both Gyro Zeppeli and Johnny Joestar, even to have some participate in the race to get close to the duo.

Receiving the Corpse Parts
Once learning that the Corpse parts were embedded within Lucy, he had her live with him, knowing that she was disguised as his wife, Scarlet. In the hopes of taking them out of her when the time was right.

In Philadelphia
After seeing Lucy for what she truly is, he holds her until the Corpse's power is at its fullest. He hires Disco to stall Gyro so he could kill Johnny himself. Using Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, He sends both Diego Brando and Wekapipo (both have since defected from Valentine's employ) to alternate dimensions to shoot Johnny and eliminate the three at once. He fights Wekapipo and Diego with the odds in his favor, then Diego uses Scary Monster to guide Johnny to safety and shoot Valentine. However, The President uses his stand to replace his dying body.

He takes off in a train to protect Lucy Steel from Diego and Hot Pants, while Ticket to Ride takes form. He makes several clones to fight off the two but is nearly killed by Diego. After fighting and killing Diego, Lucy's Stand takes form and powers up D4C. He quickly uses it to kill Hot Pants and prepares to fight Gyro and Johnny.

Atlantic Ocean
When Gyro and Johnny finally shows up to confront the president, Valentine shows the extent of his new ability. With Valentine sending everything that was intended to kill him to another part of the world, killing someone else. However, Gyro tells Johnny that it is time for "Lesson 5", meaning the use of the Super Spin. As Gyro prepares for the Super Spin, Valentine shoots him in a non-lethal spot. However, with the effects of D4C-Love Train, the wound travels up his body towards a more lethal spot. Gyro, then summons Ball Breaker, passing through the dimensional barrier, accelerating the age of half of Valentine's face. As the wound travels up Gyro's body, he shoots Ball Breaker a second time, seemingly killing Valentine. However, Valentine was turned into a old man due to the second attack, after recovering, he finally manages to kill Gyro.

After killing Gyro, Johnny relentlessly tries to do anything possible to even harm Valentine, but to no avail. Valentine then shoots Johnny's horse, Slow Dancer, to eliminate the chance to see the Super Spin. In a last ditch effort, Johnny uses one of Gyro's steel balls to heal his horse which kicks him into the air, activating Tusk Act 4.

Death(s)
After being hit by Tusk ACT 4, he found himself subjected to the Spin, which drove him into a hole in the ground every time he jumped to another dimension. He attempted to bribe his way away from this by offering Johnny a brand new Gyro Zeppeli, whom he shot and killed prior, in return for Johnny ending the Spin. Johnny refuses, stating that even a Gyro from another dimension would not be the same Gyro as the one he had adventured with.

After an explanation of how he wanted to use the Corpse parts for the right reason, he gave Johnny the spray that Hot Pants used, mentioning the possibility of her death as well, so the spray is for a Hot Pants in another dimension. Johnny, though gradually trusting the president, tossed Valentine's empty pistol to his side and challenged him to pick it up, harboring a suspicion that Valentine had brought a pistol back with him from an alternative dimension to attack him with. The suspicion proved correct, and knowing that if he picked up the pistol it would merge with the one from the alternative dimension and reveal his intention to betray Johnny, he hesitated for a moment, reaffirming his personal sense of justice before drawing his weapon and shooting Johnny, who in turn shot back at him. The gunfight resulted in the final death of the president.

All Star Battle
Valentine is a playable character in All Star Battle (PS3).

Trivia

 * Funny Valentine has a habit of shotgunning beer, much like Jotaro does during his introduction in Stardust Crusaders.
 * According to his wife, he makes no sound when he walks, and he can even play the mandolin using his feet, simply dancing on it.
 * Valentine's catchphrase "Dojyaaan!" literally means "Tada!" in Japanese, and was left so by the translator because of its catchphrase status.
 * The real 23rd U.S. president was Benjamin Harrison. Interestingly, there is exactly a one month's difference between their birthdays (Harrison's was August 20th, and Valentine's is September 20th). Unlike Harrison, however, Valentine's disappearance from the public eye at the end of the race earned him high approval ratings, said to have been as high as 91%.
 * He has numerous scars on his back which are traces of when he was tortured during war. The scars resemble the Stars and Stripes.
 * The scene during which Funny receives his dead father's handkerchief is a direct reference to the 1994 movie Pulp Fiction. In the movie, a young Butch and his mother is visited by a the Vietnam veteran Captain Koons, who fought with Butch's father. Butch's father was captured and held in a POW camp, and he did everything in his power to hide a gold watch (a family heirloom and symbol of patriotism) from his captors until he died of dysentery. Araki even used some of the same shots from the scene in the manga.