Funny Valentine

"My heart and actions are utterly unclouded. They are all those of "Justice"."

- Funny Valentine, SBR Chapter 89

Funny Valentine (ファニー・ヴァレンタイン) is the main antagonist of Steel Ball Run.

Finding the Corpse's Heart during his service in the American Civil War, Valentine goes on to become the 23rd President of the United States.

Appearance
Valentine adopts two main appearances, differing greatly in build. He is introduced as an old, stout, overweight man.

After absorbing the ribcage of the Saint, Valentine gains a fit, muscular build and a more handsome appearance (possibly by using his Stand ability to switch places with a more handsome and muscular version of himself from another dimension).

After this, it is revealed that spanning his back, Valentine bears deep scars; in a pattern resembling that of flag of the United States.

He consistently wears long, light hair, curling at its ends into a number of thick, well-defined rings (perhaps in reference to the white periwigs and hairstyles of the 18th century, as worn by several early Presidents ).

He also continues to wear a smooth, uniform outfit, including an overcoat closed to the end of his torso.

Personality
Funny Valentine's first and foremost characteristic is his deep patriotism. Marked by the gruesome fate of his father, Valentine's goal is that the United States stand over the rest of the world. To do so, he seeks the blessing of the Saint Corpse Parts, becoming ecstatic when the Corpse blesses him. Despite this, Funny Valentine is callous about the lives of individual American, never hesitating to sacrifice his own subordinates in his quest for the Corpse, and going as far as to kill them himself if he deems it necessary.

Valentine is a ruthless individual, having a might-makes-right attitude toward the world. He thinks that power is founded on authority, and part of the reason he wants the Corpse is to obtain a spiritual authority on par with the Vatican. Convinced that everyone's wishes cannot be fulfilled, Valentine chooses to put the United States' prerogatives above the interests of the rest of the world. Valentine respects ambition and ruthlessness and ultimately entrusts the Corpse to an alternate Diego Brando. Claiming that his methods require the least sacrifices possible, they still liberally involve murder and generally violence, and manipulation of the people around him.

Valentine possesses a code of honor, first putting his patriotism above his own interests, and is a man of his words, never killing Stephen Steel despite having reasons to only because he swore an oath. Valentine respects the prowess of his adversaries, notably admiring the Spin technique as Ball Breaker tries to breach the dimensional wall. Nonetheless, Valentine will twist this code whenever convenient, and isn't above lying to get an advantage. He is also a very polite man, never losing that politeness and dignity even against his enemies.

Funny Valentine is generally cold toward any individual. The only person he's admitted to have loved is his father, confessing to have been searching for him across multiple universe, although that claim is dubious. Despite their marriage, Valentine is little disturbed by the death of his wife Scarlet, despite them having a certain fondness of each other. Infatuated in the disguised Lucy Steel, Valentine has tried to rape her, and declared that she would bear his child. Valentine keeps a professional distance with his subordinates at best, only caring that they fulfill his orders, whether they die or not.

Abilities
Valentine's Stand and spirit, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (or D4C), enables him access at any time to any number of alternate worlds/universes/dimensions; where if desired he may swap bodies with his counterparts, affording him a pseudo-immortality.

When Lucy develops Ticket to Ride, Valentine may utilize a protective wall of light emanating from her, bolstering his defense further still; which as a complementary ability he names "D4C - Love Train".

According to his wife, he makes no sound when he walks, and he can even play the mandolin using his feet, simply dancing on it.

Youth
When the President was a child, his father went to war, and never came back.

One day, a soldier came to his house and told him that his father was captured by the enemy; and that after resisting intense torture, in order not to betray his country, he committed suicide. He retained a handkerchief (horrifically, behind his eye); which the soldier gave to Valentine.

American Civil War
While training, Valentine's company perished in a desert. Valentine himself, exhausted, fell onto the site of the Corpse's Heart; when his life was saved, and he inferred the existence of a complete Corpse.

At some point later, he was captured by the enemy and brutally whipped; leaving scars spanning his back (in a pattern resembling that of the flag of the United States).

Steel Ball Run
The Steel Ball Run race is a plot set up by Valentine and the down-on-his-luck promoter, Steven Steel to scope through the United States to get the Saint Corpse Parts which were rumored to have life changing power. As he hosted and monitored the event, he'd send out people of his choosing to make sure things didn't go haywire in the process while at the same time trying to find pieces of the corpse parts themselves.

By obtaining the corpse, the President, being a patriot, wishes to use its power to bring a better future to America by merging his stand and the corpse's power to deflect all misfortunes befalling on his country to other foreign countries.

During the Race, Valentine employs many assassins to kill both Gyro Zeppeli and Johnny Joestar, even to have some participate in the race to get close to the duo. The majority of his subordinates are Stand users; such as Blackmore, Mike O. and Diego Brando.

Valentine discovers a traitor in his ranks, which he first believed to be Mountain Tim, then his wife; before finding the real traitor, Lucy Steel (disguised as Scarlet).

Receiving the Corpse
Once learning that the Corpse parts were embedded within Lucy, he had her live with him, knowing that she was disguised as his wife, Scarlet, and in the hopes of taking the Parts out of her when the time was right.

In Philadelphia
After seeing Lucy for what she truly is, he holds her until the Corpse's power is at its fullest. He hires D-I-S-C-O to stall Gyro so he could kill Johnny himself. Using Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, He sends both Diego Brando and Wekapipo (both have since defected from Valentine's employ) to alternate dimensions to shoot Johnny and eliminate the three at once. He fights Wekapipo and Diego with the odds in his favor, then Diego uses Scary Monster to guide Johnny to safety and shoot Valentine. However, The President uses his stand to replace his dying body.

He takes off in a train to protect Lucy Steel from Diego and Hot Pants, while Ticket to Ride takes form. He makes several clones to fight off the two but is nearly killed by Diego. After fighting and killing Diego, Lucy's Stand takes form and powers up D4C. He quickly uses it to kill Hot Pants and prepares to fight Gyro and Johnny.

Atlantic Ocean
When Gyro and Johnny finally shows up to confront the president, Valentine shows the extent of his new ability. With Valentine sending everything that was intended to kill him to another part of the world, killing someone else. However, Gyro tells Johnny that it is time for "Lesson 5", meaning the use of the Super Spin. As Gyro prepares for the Super Spin, Valentine shoots him in a non-lethal spot. However, with the effects of D4C -Love Train, the wound travels up his body towards a more lethal spot. Gyro then summons Ball Breaker and passes through the dimensional barrier, accelerating the age of half of Valentine's face. As the wound travels up Gyro's body, he shoots Ball Breaker a second time, seemingly killing Valentine. However, Valentine was turned into a old man due to the second attack and after recovering, he finally manages to kill Gyro.

After killing Gyro, Johnny relentlessly tries to do anything possible to even harm Valentine, but to no avail. Valentine then shoots Johnny's horse, Slow Dancer, to eliminate the chance to see the Super Spin. In a last ditch effort, Johnny uses one of Gyro's steel balls to heal his horse which kicks him into the air, activating Tusk ACT 4.

Death(s)
After being hit by Tusk ACT 4, he found himself subjected to the Spin, which drove him into a hole in the ground every time he jumped to another dimension. He attempted to bribe his way away from this by offering Johnny a brand new Gyro Zeppeli, whom he shot and killed prior, in return for Johnny ending the Spin. Johnny refuses, stating that even a Gyro from another dimension would not be the same Gyro as the one he had adventured with.

After an explanation of how he wanted to use the Corpse parts for the right reason, he gave Johnny the spray that Hot Pants used, mentioning the possibility of her death as well, so the spray is for a Hot Pants in another dimension. Johnny, though gradually trusting the president, tossed Valentine's empty pistol to his side and challenged him to pick it up, harboring a suspicion that Valentine had brought a pistol back with him from an alternative dimension to attack him with. The suspicion proved correct, and knowing that if he picked up the pistol it would merge with the one from the alternative dimension and reveal his intention to betray Johnny, he hesitated for a moment, reaffirming his personal sense of justice before drawing his weapon and shooting Johnny, who in turn shot back at him. The gunfight resulted in the final death of the president.

At the conclusion of Steel Ball Run, it is mentioned that despite Valentine's disappearance from the public eye at the end of the race, he attained approval ratings as high as 91%.

All-Star Battle (PS3)
Valentine is a playable character in All Star Battle (PS3), he was the last standard character confirmed for the game, alongside Kosaku Kawajiri. He's the only playable villain from Part VII.

He has the lowest stamina in the game, reflecting his many "deaths" throughout Part 7.

His moveset naturally revolves around his use of D4C's dimensional abilities. One move allows him to temporarily hide within another dimension (represented by him hiding within a flag that hovers flatly in midair.) One special has him fire a revolver multiple times, claiming it to be self-defense.

Valentine is one of three characters who can pick up the Corpse Parts scattered around the battlefield when in play. Upon obtaining all three, Valentine will not only obtain a significant defense buff, but will also obtain D4C- Love Train, which renders him immune to several non-HHA projectile attacks. Also, when D4C-Love Train is activated, all the damage Valentine takes is reduced by 75%.

He has a special healing ability performed via a quarter-circle backward motion and pressing all attack buttons, so long as the player has all three Corpse Parts and three HH Gauge stocks. He will swap places with a Valentine from another dimension, which refills his health bar. The drawback of this move, however, is that he loses all the Corpse Parts he has on him at current as well as disabling his HH Gauge for the entire match. If he is struck by Kosaku-Kira's GHA after having used this move successfully, Valentine's HH gauge will be restored once time has looped backward.

His HHA is a counter move. He performs his famous "DOJYAAA~N!" motion complete with shrug. When struck during this pose, he will pull his victim down to another dimension where several Valentines assail the victim.

His GHA has him declaring his next attack is something the opponent should be honored to receive. He drapes a flag over his victim (reminiscent of a military funeral ceremony), pulling them into another dimension. The victim encounters their alternate dimension doppelganger and the both of them slam into each other and disintegrate in a shower of Menger Sponges as per the rules of D4C.

Valentine triggers unique animations when hit by Johnny and Gyro's GHAs respectively. For Johnny's, Valentine vainly throws up D4C's Love Train to defend himself only for Johnny's Tusk Act 4 to rip it open and thrash Valentine's Stand, while whispering heartfelt thanks to Gyro and striking Valentine down with the Super Spin. For Gyro's, Valentine activates Love Train only for Ball Breaker to tear through it. Ball Breaker and Gyro run straight past Valentine, whilst the latter is swiftly struck down by the residual energies of the Super Spin left in Gyro's wake.

If both players choose Valentine in the English version, during the dialogue before the fight, the first Valentine will provoke saying "Get ready for amber waves of pain!", while the second Valentine will say "Hello me. Meet the REAL me" (the latter being a lyric from the song "Sweating Bullets" by the band Megadeth)

Valentine possesses an alternate costume, being the attire he used during his first appearance (a more classic Mr.President suit like). For the western version his Stand name was simply shorted to "D4C".

Eyes of Heaven (PS3/PS4)
Valentine was confirmed for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven alongside Johnny, Gyro, and Diego Brando from Another Universe.

In the game's story, Valentine summons DIO from another universe to defeat Johnny Joestar. He eventually realizes DIO's evil tendencies and plans to destroy the universe and decides to ally himself with the protagonists. He secretly gives aids the Joestars through confirmation of the original universe DIO's status and hinting at the weakness of DIO's new Heaven Ascension form.

As his cover is blown by DIO, Valentine reveals his reason for betrayal, following the path of true justice, even it means to sacrifice his life. At this point, he confronts DIO and attacks his Heaven Ascension form head on, but is promptly defeated.

Tournament
He is paired with Lisa Lisa in the Eyes of Heaven tournament, but was eliminated in the preliminaries by Wamuu and N'Doul.

Trivia

 * The concept for Valentine's character derives from Araki's interest in a fighting President, after watching the movie Independence Day.
 * Funny Valentine demonstrates the ability to pierce and shotgun a can of beer; much like Jotaro during his introduction in Stardust Crusaders.
 * Valentine's catchphrase "Dojyaaan!" literally means "Tada!" in Japanese.
 * The scene during which Funny receives his dead father's handkerchief appears to reference the 1994 film Pulp Fiction. In the movie, a young Butch and his mother are visited by Vietnam veteran Captain Koons, who fought with Butch's father. Butch's father was captured and held in a POW camp and did everything in his power to hide a gold watch (a family heirloom and symbol of patriotism) from his captors until he died of dysentery. Some of the panels in the manga were seemingly modeled after the same scene in the movie.
 * The real 23rd U.S. president was Benjamin Harrison. Interestingly, there is exactly one month's difference between their birthdays (Harrison's was August 20th, and Valentine's is September 20th).
 * It's said by Scarlet Valentine that Funny Valentine is able to never make any sound of footsteps, no matter kind of floor it is. He can also play mandoline with his feet.

Gallery
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