Jesus Christ WTF! I MISSPELLED SCUTS NAME! Anyways y'all. I'm finally back out of semi retirement (I need to post more crap here I know.) And here to publish the complete Christmas special. Anyways enjoy Y'ALL!
THE STORY CONFIRMED?!:
“Oh come on dude!” A teenage Flim said to his childhood friend. The guy who makes anime art or something had been sitting on the living room floor with his friend Hol Horse. He was questioning why the hell Hol Horse was SMOKING WEED in his room. “You can't do that here! My boyfriend and mom are gonna be here in like FIVE minutes! I don't want you blazing a joint in my house!”
“Why not bro?!” Hol Horse asked with a raised eyebrow. The teenage cowboy was coughing a little bit as he put away the joint. A stupid little smile on his face. “It's not like I care whatsoever! Dude, I really need this man! It's loud AF!”
Flim stared at Hol Horse like how Walter White stared at Jesse Pinkman when he asked for his half.
“At MY house? In my living room when MY MOM is coming home with my boyfriend as well. And also in the 1940s where marijuana is banned in all states? You're going to smoke that despite ALL OF THAT?”
“YES FLIM! YES!” Hol Horse yelled while eating Swedish fish. “Look, I'd literally had some weird kid bother me with some BB for five hours straight and Jotaro acting like an emo dude for five hours and mentioning Mark Heathcliff. Can't I get a break?”
“Yeah sure, but you can't be smoking in my ho-” Flim stopped, the dude narrowing his eyes. “Wait a damn second! Did you mention a kid with a BB gun? And Mark Heathcliff?”
Hol Horse nods, “Yeah man, why?”
Flim had a light bulb appear on his head as he looked at the cowboy in front of him. As he clicked his tongue.
“Dude, I know that kid! His name's Ralphie, I bet he's kind of annoying too. But all kids are!” Flim said, a little smirk on his face. “I heard he as well as some other kid are having some issues with some guy named Scut Farkas… He's an arsehole and we MAY have problems with him,”
“Why?” Hol Horse asked with a raised eyebrow.
Flim took a deep breath and sighed. He hears the sound of a car roll down his garage.
“Because his dad's WOODROW WILSON!”
Hol Horse gasped, “OH NO! HOLY SH-”
“Hey! Language Hol Horse!” Said a feminine voice. Flim knew who this was. It was his mom, standing there with pink skin and a nun outfit, her frown slightly big as she looked at the cowboy. “Anyways, hey sweetie! I'm back from the grocery store!”
Hol Horse gasped, “SARVENTE IS YOUR MOM FLIM? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!”
“Uhh yeah, why?” Flim asked, getting up and raising an eyebrow at him. Before walking over and hugging his mom. “Hey, mom! I missed you! When's Dad going to show up?”
“He won't show up until tomorrow,” Sarvente (Films mom, it is canon now.) Said, “He’s been working so much as of late in the police department with Lt. Thatcher Davis and Jonathan Joestar. I wonder when he'll even come back soon!”
“Oh come on, that's sad!” Flim said, giving his mom one squeeze before letting go. “I don't get him sometimes. But I think we'll be fine. Wait, where's Postal Dude?”
Sarvente giggled and kissed her son's forehead. “Oh, your boyfriend? Don't worry sweetheart! He says he's going to come soon! He told me on the phone that he picked up Jotaro and Mark before heading here. Now I'm going to go and make some cookies! You and your friend Hol Horse do whatever! Just don't buy METH like last time!”
“Trust me, Mom, we won't!” Flim said with a smile. Staring daggers into Hol Horse, who was shouting slang in Italian for some reason. “No drugs, okay Hol Horse?”
“But I LOVE DOING DRU-”
“Do you really want me to call the cops on you? Trust me I'll tell, my husband's a cop!” Sarvente said, also glaring daggers into Hol Horse.
“Fine! But I'm at least buying Swedish fish for the guys!” Hol Horse said, in an angry Lazy tone trying to hide his drugs and the weird demon behind him who was eating a Subway sandwich. “I still can't believe that you have so much lore now. Your mom's a de-”
“DUDE! Not right now!” Flim yelled out, signaling Hol Horse to leave with him. “Yeah Mom, I'll be back soon. It won't be long before any of us can get back home. Bye then! I love you!”
Flim then grabbed Hol Horse and walked out of the house. Not even caring what the hell the cowboy said. Even when Hol Horse was fighting back and struggling like a madman when they found out Postal [Redacted] exists. Hol Horse looked like a confused freak as Flim dragged him away.
Sarvente only giggled and waved her son back like Josuke when he found out Swedish fish existed.
“By sweetie! Love you too!”
The cold Indiana weather made everything worse. Both Hol Horse and Flim stood there in heavy jackets and gloves as the two teenagers waited for their friends. Both take a few minutes to look around.
“Where the heck are they?” Hol Horse asked, looking inside his pants for the Swedish fish substances he needed to take because he was an addict by this point. “This is longer than World War Two!”
“Wait, aren't we technically in World War Two?!” Asked Flim, seemingly confused and shocked.
“Don't know, don't care!” Hol Horse said as he waited for all of the people over here. “Besides man, your boyfriend is taking a million years and a half!”
Ironically, a rusty truck pulled up to the house. Driving like a maniac as the truck stopped at the ground. What came out were the three people Flim and Hol Horse trusted the most. The people they both agreed on were the best people on Earth: the cowboy and the anime art-making guy.
Soon enough, the Postal Dude, Mark Heathcliff, and Jotaro Kujo all got out of the beat-up vehicle, seemingly surprised and confused.
“Yare yare Daze,” Jotaro said, sounding a little pissed as usual. “This is ridiculous. We left an important fish meeting for this. The hell dude!”
Mark narrowed his eyes as he read a bit of his weird book on how to scam people out of their Swedish Fish and to commit tax fraud before staring at the three of the Postal Dude’s group.
“The fish meeting was boring anyway man,” Mark said, feeling a bit confused, “Where’s Postal Dude anyway-”
“Jesus Christ everyone calm the hell down!” Yelled Postal Dude, the tall ginger psycho guy went out into the car, his hands clenched tightly on the pistol in his hands as he looked at everyone. “Anyways, hey you two! We're back! I know it took us a while but hey! We were smuggling Dictator Red for Swedish Fish!”
“DUDE! COME HERE!” Yelled out Flim as he and the cowboy came over and looked at the three. Flim literally smashed himself toward the Postal Dude and hugged him tightly. The two lovers were doing some gay stuff as Hol Horse stared at Mark and Jotaro in front of him. The Cowboys' eyes are a little more suspicious.
“Hey hey, babe!” The Postal Dude said, kissing Flim's forehead. “Calm down! Nice to see you too, my lovely boyfriend!”
“What the hell?” Hol Horse and Jotaro both said at the same time.
“Hey, quick question,” asked Hol Horse, suspecting that they were not alone in this strange little area. He could have sworn that he saw Woodrow Wilson and that weird psycho ginger kid in the bushes (it wasn't Scut Farkas. It was just some other weird messed up dude with messed up intentions. Hol Horse remembered one time when that dude nearly killed poor foster kid Jack Townsend. But that's a different story altogether.) “Are you guys worried about WOODROW WILSON? Or Scut Farkas? Because I swear to God himself that I think they're up to something!”
Jotaro stared at him with utter confusion, “What are you talking about man?” he asked, “I don’t understand what is so connecting bro. He’s just some President who brought us into another goofy ahh war and also supported the KKK.”
“ISN’T THAT RACIST TO THE POINT THAT IT MADE SLAVE OWNERS BLUSH LIKE SERIOUSLY YOU EMO DOLPHIN LOVER?!” Flim, Postal Dude, and Mark said all at the same time.
“I know I know. But he’s dead ain’t he?” Jotaro said, clearly unaware of Cs Lore whatsoever. No wonder why some people don’t like him. “Besides, it’s the 40s’ and I don’t want FDR to throw me in prison because of my skin color or whatever. Besides, aren’t we supposed to do something that is not goofing off? I thought we were going to play that Better Call Saul video game like we were originally going to do. Until y’know, Flim was dating that dude.”
Everyone in the whole neighborhood stared at the angsty seventeen-year-old who looked twenty years older like they just heard you liking the HBO show Velma. Jotaro only stared back at them with his usual ‘move or Imma commit tax fraud’ face while the Sweater Song by WEEZER was playing in the background.
“Dude quit rambling, we have a job to do!” Hol Horse yelled at the top of his lungs. “I thought we were going to protest the IRS for being the snobs they are and were! Aren’t w-”
Suddenly the whole entire universe trembled in fear as a small group of the worst and random people came up to our group of four teenagers with nothing better to do.
Flim jumped up like he came from some horror movie or you after watching Jojo part 5. “OH GOD NO! GUYS, I THINK WE ARE ALREADY SCREWED!”
“Why exactly?” Asked Mark Heathcliff, “It’s just some people, nothing concer- OH GOD NO IT’S THE MOST EVIL ANIME CHARACTER FROM U.S HISTORY!”
What stood in front of them was the gang only known as the ‘Mangiatori di Scarpe’ (HOW DARE THEY SLANDER ITALY!) Compromising of the most DIABOLICAL people in existence. So DIABOLICAL that Satan probably hired them for his inner circle! These people were Giorno Giovanna, Spencer Middleton, Duke of Scales (who's only here for money to waste on Godzilla-only fans.), Richard Nixon and their racist leader Woodrow Wilson. And they were wearing PART FIVE MERCH?! PART FIVE MERCH?! OH HELL NO NOT THIS AGAIN!
“OH GOD NO IT'S RACISM!” Yelled Hol Horse, the cowboy immediately aiming his stand/gun, The Emperor at them. “You better get out of here you racist piece of human garbage, you shouldn't exist man. You're the worst president ev-”
“I love Scut Farkas!” Duke said,
“What the actual f#ck?!” Everyone including the writer of this story said in shock and terror.
“Guys,” Wilson said, rubbing his hands together suspiciously and smiling a wide smile. “IMMA SAY THE GOOD OL’ WORD! I'M GONNA SAY [REDACTED] and [DATA EXPUNGED].”
“Jesus Christ!” Spencer yelled, “That's crazy, and I enjoy torturing animals and eating at Long John Silvers!”
They all gasped at this form of crazy sort of coincidence and consequences. Hol Horse widened his eyes and looked at the group. All shocked that Wilson said the most racist things ever thought up by fellow bigot scumbags. Wilson started levitating into the air as Mark quickly went in and grabbed his pistol, aiming it at the president of the United States as he went into M.A.D mode. Jotaro also helped out in a way, as he and Flim pulled out comically large Popeyes deep fryers (KFC was at least five miles away. So they had to do what they had to do to get this racist scumbag dead and gone for all of us. So please thank them.)
Wilson only continued to cackle. The president clenched his fist. Nixon and Duke just stared at each other and shrugged like the least evil people they were out of everyone here.
“YOU F#CKING B#STARD!” Mark yelled out as he aimed the pistol at the GOD AWFUL PRESIDENT WHO WANTS TO RUIN THE WORLD!
“OH REALLY NOW YOU LOSER'S?” Screamed Wilson in a deep and demonic voice that sounded nothing like a human should while the Better Call Saul theme song played. “I AM GOD HIMSELF! I AM THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THY WORLD! I WOODROW WILSON! 28TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND MOST RACIST THING EVER WILL NOW STEAL YOUR BALLS AND SWEDISH FISH!”
“Jesus Christ why?” Flim asked.
“I don't know, I'm another scummy president and people have a gigantic hatred for me because I cheated on everything,” Nixon stated, rather calmly for some reason. The man looked confused as the Postal Dude suddenly shot him dead with a shotgun.
“Oh God, are you serious?” Mark replied as he saw some random kid. Wait a minute, that was Ralphie Parker! “But why the hell was he hitting the gritty? That stuff cringe!”
The president got shot dead and the other people jumped back in shock! Wilson only ignored the whole situation and started leveling up Dragon Ball style when Flim tried to pull out the one and only KFC DEEP FRYER?! OH MY GOD MAN! Out of nowhere. The Guy who makes anime art or something is FINALLY no longer taking Wilson's BS for once!
“Prepare to die WILSON! Behold! The all and mighty power of a good FAST FOOD DEEP FRYER!”
Hol Horse took a little while to stare at everyone else. Then he noticed something. Or rather, someone like Spencer Middleton and the Postal Dude pulled out shovels and hit each other with said shovels. It was a ginger kid… with yellow eyes and wearing some sort of coon hat.
Giorno Giovanna tried to attack Hol Horse. His stand, Golden Experience, came out of thin air and came close pretty quickly. But Jotaro retaliated with his stand: Star Platinum and punched Golden Experience.
Giorno and Jotaro’s stands took blows from each other as Spencer Middleton and Postal Dude now are shooting each other with guns and Hol Horse continued to stare daggers into the thing. Mark opened fire at Wilson. The bullets flew like a century of torment and whatever they hit Wilson's face. Wilson's jumped a bit… But then he did something weird. Extremely weird.
“Woah what the hell?” Asked Duke, as he saw the random evil yellow-eyed kid coming closer to them. Suddenly everyone got blasted away. As the whole street turned into a deep crater. Mark Heathcliff sadly died as the rest of the group and Spencer left.
All of them covered in debris, Hol Horse got up first and started at the scene. Mark's dead body lay in front of them as Wilson looked different… He looked like SCUT FARKAS!
“BEHOLD! THE MIGHTY POWER OF ZACH WARD AND RACISM!” Yelled Wilson Farkas. His hair looks like Goku.
“WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!” Yelled everyone ever.
“Oh God, no racism! No true American would be so slanderous to be like that!” Yelled Ralphie Parker who suddenly got killed by Duke who grabbed a comically large spoon and a C4 laced pizza.
Flim jumped back in shock, terror, and shock as Will Wilson Scut Farkas started screaming out Buddy Holly by Weezer playing in the background.
“DO NOT DENY MY POWER! FOR I AM THE MOST ELITE BEING IN THE UNIVERSE! FOR I AM WOODY SCUTTY HITTING THE GRIDDY FORTNITE BATTLE PASS WET WILLY BLIND BILLY FARK-ASS!” Yelled out the mighty all-powerful being of racism and stupidity shouted out as he powered his KKK KAME, KAME HA! The shining power of the blue orb leveled up as he prepared to destroy the whole world.
Postal Dude and Spencer immediately aimed their guns and shot their enemy with the gun. Somehow the ammo didn't really work. The two psycho’s bullets didn't work at all as Jotaro pulled out his stand, Star Platinum, and entered the fight and hit the evil president as hard as he could. Hol Horse and Flim stood next to each other. All filled with shock as they looked at him.
It attracted the attention of everyone else in the small snowy town. The cops eventually came out of their crappy little department and went in. The cop cars came in, with a couple of officers heading straight in. One of which is Lieutenant Thatcher Davis. And the other was… OH GOD NO WAS THAT FLIMS DAD?
He stood at least by a solid nine feet. His eyes are cold and scolding like an angry Kaiju. Which changed to a little shock when he noticed that his son was with the local misfits. He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at everyone. A little terrified as Hol Horse pulled out his stand: the emperor.
“STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!” Shouted Thatcher, shaking a little bit as Flim’s dad stared at them.
“Wait a minute, Dad is that you?” Flim asked.
“Son…” Ruv said, a little confused. “What's going on?”
The demon evil president bully man continued his kame kame ha. His eyes turned LTG white as he tried to kill a few people. The sound of his screaming was loud as hell. His blast only became more powerful until…
BANG!
The sound of Hol Horse's stand: the emperor hit the target. The bullet hits the evil president and everyone and everything reset.
Epilogue:
The cowboy didn't understand why, or how he felt his head hurt. The cowboy got up. Feeling his little demon friend screaming at him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Red asked, the hell beast was rather pissed for some reason. “Get up and go make me a sandwich! Your roommates are going crazy man!”
“Wait what man?” Hol Horse asked, groggily sitting up and jumping in shock as the two of his roommates looked at him with a confused face.
“Are you okay?” Asked SpongeBob, as he showed Hol Horse an article that said: “HA HA DUKE BECAME PRESIDENT OF ITALY ALONG WITH POSTAL DUDE AND FLIM AS VPS LMAO. It's confirmed like GTA 6!”
“No homie, I'm alright trust me!” Hol Horse said, getting up and looking around. His body was shaking a little bit and his eyebrows were widening in shock. “Why are you two on my bed anyway?”
“I don't know man,” replied Jack Townsend. The frail man pulled out a coffee to drink. He sighed, looking at the stand user in front of him. “You know that you just murdered the president and the feds are looking for you, right?”
Hol Horse's eyes widened. The cowboy's instincts immediately jumped up in surprise.
“Wait WHAT?!” He asked.
“Tried to warn you, man,” RED said.
“Yeah… we're screwed,” Jack said as SpongeBob grabbed his sniper rifle. “Well sorry dude, but they arrested Spencer Middleton somehow, and now they're coming for us!”
And before Hol Horse could say anything. The familiar voice of Ruv yelling out “FBI OPEN UP!” As he busted down the door.
The End.
@TheGuyWhoMakesAnimeArtOrSomething @Dictator Red @Babysharkboss2 @Duke of Scales @Pewdiepug94
