“I have a family Jesse! A family filled with people who need help and protection! People who need my help or they will die! Do you think my wife and son are going to make money on their own Jesse? Are they Jesse? I think both you and I know the answer, it’s not rocket science or complex chemistry. So I would be very joyful if you shut your trap for once and let me do the dealing here alright? It’s not like you can do all of this alone with Tuco Salamanca around due to your little encounter with him before I came along.”
Jesse groaned and rolled his eyes. Walter White could be quite a rude person if he wanted to. The man was well known for snapping when something didn’t get his way. He did not have anger issues per se. But it’s just that the great Heisenberg was no monk by any means of the word. Especially if his intelligence was rivaled by someone who failed his chemistry class and called sodium chloride salt (IT IS SALT THOUGH! JESSE WATCHED TOO MUCH JIMMY NEUTRON TO BE WRONG!)
Walter only gave Jesse an indifferent look as Jesse went all up to his face and sounded loud and angry like an ADHD kid when he found out that they had nothing to do. Jesse moved all around like an organized teenager or snake.
“It’s not my fault. You chose to cook crystal meth, not me,” Jesse said with a groan of annoyance and an over-the-top cartoonish mad face. “The same goes for teaming up with me in doing this. So how about you shut up and stop complaining? We have psycho Raymond Cruz waiting for us over there wanting the product. So how about you stop sitting and get out of the damn RV to sell drugs?”
“At least I am not a junkie,” was all Walter White said as he opened the door of the RV, grabbing the meth and a pistol just in case. Jesse's whole body almost died after hearing that's one simple roast. “Well might as well get some protection. In case we get ourselves into serious drama with Tuco,”
“Woah woah,” Jesse said with a tone that sounded like Joe Biden and Skeet from Jimmy Neutron’s ugly inbred baby who had just been infected with dementia. “Are you serious now Mr. White? How are we going to hide that thing from Tuco, Guido Mista, or any other Cartel goons?”
“I got a concealed carry months ago,” Walter replied, putting on his fedora. “Now let’s go. I don’t want Tuco to get any odd ideas. So let’s make sure we do this carefully.”
Walter went out of the vehicle in a casual stride. Unaware of the cowboy and a couple of demon boys walking behind him. Jesse follows Heisenberg as he gets out of the RV. Both of them walk up to Tuco Salamanca and his weird cronies.
Tuco stood in the middle of his two henchmen: No-Doze and Giorno Giovanna, waiting for the two of them to show up… “Took you a while,” Tuco said bluntly. “You better get my crystal though. I’m trusting you, Heisenberg,”
………
“Yo look at that!” Selever shouted as he hid in the shadows. Hol Horse and Juilus were not that behind. Searching for any DEA agents who may or may not show up from all this cartel drug action coming from the trading session in play here. “They got the methamphetamines we need to do! This is like a dream come true!”
“Are you kidding me Sel?” Julius asked, his eyes narrowing as he scouted out for Hank Schrader. Luckily, there was no Hank Schrader to be seen. Hell, not even Steve Gomez was here. “We have been dating for like two years and this is the stupidest plan you ever thought of!”
“I mean… You got a point!” Hol Horse said, putting his hands below his chin and rubbing it like he was thinking. “We are seeing a trade between a major meth deal between a big disturber of a crime family and a rising drug dealer. The Salamancas are quite a crazy group of people. But I want to buy my Swedish fish and meth anyways!”
Julius sighed, rubbing his hands on his cheeks as he got up from the crouching position he and the blonde cowboy were in and looked up into the blue sky.
“You guys are going to get ourselves killed,” Julius said with a chuckle. He was still against his boyfriend and the stand using Cowboy’s insane plan to buy meth. But by this point, he has to go with the flow. Or else Selever and Hol Horse will probably die alone against Tuco Salamanca and his cartel gang. Even with their demons powers were used since Tuco is the definition of unpredictable. “But I will come with you guys then. Ruv’s extra long shift at Los Pollos Hermanos spares us some time.”
“I swear dad is cheating on mom with Gustavo Fring,” Selever added. “Dad feels too happy around Gus,”
Hol Horse and Julius nodded. All of them stood up and decided to walk to the madness happening a simple few feet away. Tuco was losing his damn mind in front of them. Heisenberg and Jesse Pinkman just stared in fear as Tuco began to beat No-Doze to death. Giorno and Mista simply stared at them with a shocked look.
“Wait a second man! Why is the actual hell going on? Why are you guys even doing this?”
Selever only chuckled as Tuco Salamanca was done with killing the druggie. Jesse and Walter only stared at each other. Then at everyone else who seemed to just look at Tuco. Whose face turned into a large frown as he looked at them.
“DAMN IT!” Tuco shouted as he stared them down. Selever only stared back as Giorno cackled like the one-dimensional loser garbage-tier protagonist he was. Who the f#ck are you three doing here? This is supposed to be hidden, the hell are you punks doing here? Can't you see I'm doing something here?”
Selever, like the idiot he is, decided to go and chuckle at the crazed psychopath known as Tuco Salamanca.
“Oh shut up Tuco! We're just here to get your meth for about a couple million dollars.” Said an arrogant Selever, Julius tried to say something and only got shot by Guido. “Also your- Wait Julius NOOO-”
Tuco, in a mad and high rage, ran towards Selever and proceeded to beat the hell out of the teenage demon. Sel was tall, sure, and he did send Giorno Giovanna to hell before Tuco threw a punch. But Tuco was a sadistic being and he let no remorse as he continued to pummel the teenage demon.
Selever coughed up some blood as he felt the fist smash into his eyes. Tuco shouted out curses and insults as he continued to beat the piss out of him.
“Die you SCUMBAG! YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY HUH PUNK? HUH?” He said as he continued to pummel Selever. Gonzo only looked shocked as Hol Horse quickly thought up a plan.
He quickly pulled out his stand: the Emperor and pulled the trigger. The bullet flew to Mista, killing him. Then back at Tuco’s foot. Tuco jumped back while staring daggers into Hol Horse's eyes. He dropped the falling bloody pulp known as Selever and walked towards the cowboy. His hands were covered in blood as he pulled out a fixed blade. The knife is shinier than anything HOL HORSE NEVER KNEW HOLY CRAP!
Hol Horse just grabbed the money and threw it at Tuco. The drug dealer caught it and looked at it for a while. Then turned his eyes to stare at the cowboy.
“What do you want?” Tuco angrily said.
“I want the Swedish fish and the meth,” Hol Horse said bluntly, his voice sounding cold and intimidating like Shrek's as he looked at Tuco's eyes. “Do that and me and Sel will never bother you again. I promise Tuco. That's all I want,”
Tuco grumbled, pulled out a bag of METH AND SWEDISH FISH, and passed it to the cowboy. Who came along and caught it? Putting it in his pocket and saying, “Pleasure doing business with you Mr. Salamanca,”
“Whatever you cowboy f#ck. Get out of my sight,” Tuco yelled while stomping the ever-loving shit out of Selever for a minute. “And get this brat out of my sight! You're bothering my dealers!”
Hol Horse nodded and walked over, picking up Selever and leaving a confused Walter and Jesse to see the utter carnage that happened.
All Jesse could say was “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!”
Aftermath:
Jotaro Kujo sighed as he stared at the floor. The stand user has been working for Gustavo Fring’s drug empire for many years. The man sighed, pulling out a cigarette to smoke a little as he heard the news from the back of the Los Pollos Hermanos chicken restaurant. Curiosity got the better of him. So he walked over to see what happened.
He threw away the cigarette as he went inside. It was closing time at the restaurant. Jotaro saw this boss: Gustavo Fring talking with Ruv as they sat near one of the booths.
“My son got beat to a pulp by Tuco Salamanca somehow,” Ruv said with a chuckle as he looked at Gus with a… lustful gaze. No, no it can't be. It can't be! Is that Jotaro's canon event? To find out his boss is doing this with one of his employees. “To be fair, I hated him and wished he'd die. But my future ex-wife is trying to get me to care. So I guess I had to get along though,”
Gus only chuckled and went over to kiss Ruv's cheek.
JOTARO KNEW IT! HE GOD DAMN KNEW IT! THEY WERE DATING! REALLY? THIS IS CANON!? OH GOD!
“Don't worry Ruv… We'll beat all of them,” Gus said softly, “Your family, the Salamancas. They're all going to be gone soon. We will make our empire a reality. Like how that one time I framed someone for tax fraud!”
The End?!
@Dictator Red @TheGuyWhoMakesAnimeArtOrSomething @Babysharkboss2 I don't know why I wrote that weird ass aftermath Imma be honest.